My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
