I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
