He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
