Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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