Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
