How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
