i was born a porn star she said
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Sorry about my life...
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
