She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
