Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
you didnt know i had herpes?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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