I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
