remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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