I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
