he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
