She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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