can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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