My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
