Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
