There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
