I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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