The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
