All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
