ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
so let's talk penis.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
