i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
no, he came in my armpit
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
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