just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
