I'm sorry my penis didn't work
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Randomize
