You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
