WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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