how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
