remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
