Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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