I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
