Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
