I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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