Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize
