pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
nutella sex= disaster
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
