I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
