don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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