At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
