I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
sarcasm needs its own font
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
