My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
