is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Randomize
