how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
