you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
i think my cat just said my name.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
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