I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
