I can tuck mytits in my pants
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
try to milk me bitch
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
