i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
the raccoons are back...
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