Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
