I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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