kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
