I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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