there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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