that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just want to make out with him forever
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
