i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
