i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
