dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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