Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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