I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
