road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
