i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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