Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
