The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm getting married
To pizza
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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