When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
