I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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