My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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