and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I miss vodka workout Fridays
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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