This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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