I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
