just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize