oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
