Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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