Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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