I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
