Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
