he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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