Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I party with great urgency now.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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