I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
