he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize