There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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