I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
