my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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