he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
