Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Randomize
