you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
