I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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