Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
