We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Is Oprah even human
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
