My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
