I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
