Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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