a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
