my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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