I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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