apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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