smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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