I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I am available for nakedness
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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