Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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