At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
