I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize