she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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